I spent 10 hours yesterday driving in snow to see the Superskate; amazingly, when I arrived back home last night at 4 a.m., knuckles white and forearms sore from the death grip I had on my steering wheel while driving 350 miles on ice, I felt it was worth it. And, after sleeping in to mid-afternoon today, I really think so.

First of all, a warning to those who consider themselves “pure” hockey fans, the kind that would never want an autograph, don’t care what players are like in person, and would never refer to one by their first name (cause they don’t know or care what it is) - this event is not for you. Its fun, silly, and thoroughly not hockey, but you have to keep in mind that it is a charity event first and foremost.

First they had the skills competition. White and Blue teams consisting of Rangers, former Rangers, celebrities, and tiny hockey players competed in five areas:

Puck Control featured an individual competition between Purinton and McKenna, and I have to say I will not allow myself to make fun of Dale’s skating anymore – he has come so far since he was in Hartford that I would be risking making a fool of myself by doing so. He’s not Rico Fata, but he is much, MUCH better than he was. Nice to see one of the weakest areas of the overall package that much improved.

Fastest Skating didn’t involve Manny or Devo, which is when I realized although Puck Control did include Theo and Yorkie as captains of teams of little kids, this was not in any way meant to showcase the skills of our players. That’s okay, because it did lead to some fun surprises.

The Hardest Shot competition was won by Malakov, at 99.9 mph. I think Theo competed in this as well, but he kept missing the net.

Purinton won the Accuracy Shooting hitting all four targets, while McKenna came in second with three. The 'real' Rangers sharpshooters got maybe one.

Breakaway Relay is exactly what it sounds like, featuring goalies from the FDNY and NYPD. These guys were GOOD, good enough to embarrass some Rangers later on in the game (see below). Theo scored - somehow - on a shot in which he skated past the netminder, chipped the puck up into the air (past the net and with his back to it, and almost behind the blue line) and took a baseball swing at it while spinning around - and put it in.

At one point, all attention on and off the ice was focused on the net near my end during the hardest shot competition. As I was watching the action, the goal lamp at the other end caught my eye as it flashed red. Looking closer, I saw a tiny little player skating around in front of the net with the puck on her stick. An enormous Ranger stood in the crease maneuvering to stand between her and the net, but not using his stick or gloves. He would usually let one in after every three or four shots, and the goal judge behind him would obligingly light the lamp for the little girl. The Ranger would bend over and very carefully high five this kid who just barely came up to his knee. She was a good shot, and now can say she is probably the only person in the world to score on Eric Lindros in net.

Jeff Beukeboom -what a great guy. I've never actually seen him before, but he spent most of the evening looking like he was having the time of his life running people over. He also spent a long time talking with Kloucek, and then later Lindros. They were easy to see, as Eric and Jeff were pretty much the only guys on the ice wearing helmets. Given the special video on concussions I just saw on ESPN2 during the Ottawa-Detroit game, I wonder whether Jeff was forewarning him on what he had said. There certainly were a lot of animated hand gestures indicating hitting a wall or such.

An interviewer asked Mess when he was going to be back playing for real, and I couldn't hear what he said – but the interviewer responded with, "so we should expect to see you taking shots tonight?" and I almost fell out of my chair. PRIORITIES, damn you!!! If you are too hurt to play, what the hell are you doing screwing around in a situation like this?

The game itself was two twenty minute periods. The first period was very silly, as the idea was clearly to set up the celebrities to get the points. At one point early on, Mess ended up with an empty net, but rather than taking the shot he skated right by the crease and left the puck in the paint for a teammate to toss in. Blackburn was in net for one of the teams for the first period, and went a little overboard in allowing goals as he would make great highlight real saves while the puck was nowhere near the net. After letting three unanswered ones in, he appeared to get a little aggravated and tightened it up as he realized the other goalie was playing for real.

What got funny, though, was that as the game went on, the Rangers started to get into it and we saw Devo turn on the jets, Manny skating in circles because he just couldn't slow himself down to everyone else's pace, and Mess taking shots. Clearly the game was meant to be a tie with Mess scoring the big goal at the end so they could have a shootout; however, he was having trouble scoring. In the final minutes, Mess kept rushing the net and taking what looked to be very serious shots, only to get denied repeatedly by the goalie. From the fire or police department, I think Mitchell was his name. Anyway, several times he completely stoned Mess, and the Captain would skate away banging his stick on the ice and trying to look like he was having a good time. In the end, mess's team had to be awarded a goal for good behavior, or some such nonsense, just so they could have the shootout. Incidentally, Mess’ team lost in the shootout as one of the servicemen scored an incredible goal. Can we sign some of these guys?

There was a hilariously staged brawl, in which Chris Jericho of the WWF fought his father, former Ranger Ted Irvine. Dad of course ripped his son's shirt and pads off, and beat him into the ice. Theo jumped the bench to help Irvine, carrying his stick overhead like a sword, and grabbed a hold of the half-naked Jericho's shorts and started tugging downwards. Sandy jumped in from the other bench to defend teammate Jericho, and then McKenna had to join in as well to tussle with Sandy. Barnaby may have been involved as well. Finally, the goalie from the other end of the ice skated the length and jumped in, allowing Rick Moranis to pick up the goalie's stick, skate the length of the ice and score into the empty net. Afterwards, Theo also did a rather alarming interview in which he pretended to not know where he was or what was going on. I couldn’t figure out if he was playing around, rather tactlessly joking about concussions, or actually… well, we don’t want to think about that. The funniest part, though was Susan Sarandon saying afterwards that she was very disappointed in Dale for not getting involved and defending his teammates, and threatening to bench him.

Later, McKenna went waterskiing the length of the ice behind McCarthy, the two of them laughing the entire time, before dragging him to the ice. McCarthy was awarded a penalty shot, and put it away. As McKenna skated back to the bench, he taunted Sandy by pointing at his biceps and laughing. Unfortunately, this did not lead to a chicken dance from Theo.

Richter, Sammuelsson, Karpa, and Johannsson were all missing. Sammy has been battling the flu, and obviously Johannsson has a broken wrist. I kept thinking I saw Karpa, but it was Whitfield. Kloucek was there but missing anyway – the only player to not participate in the game. He fed pucks for the accuracy shooting competition, but that was it. Starting to worry that he might be injured – surely he wouldn’t get scratched for a charity event, would he?

Most fun of the night was Beukeboom, McKenna, McCarthy, Malholtra, Barnaby and Fleury. It was like watching a litter of puppies out there wrestling all night. Most baffling and alarming was Messier, playing (couldn't he have been one of the celebrity coaches?) when he couldn't even score on an amateur. Even when he was trying. Hard.

Was it worth it? Yes, it was highly amusing, although hardly hockey. But then again, rumor has it the Rangers don’t play hockey that much anyway these days. At least at this one, we all left smiling.

Heather

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