So like Fox Mulder, I disappeared for awhile. But like Luke Skywalker - or perhaps Frosty the Snowman - I've returned. I won't bore you with the details of my absence, but let me just say that it's nice to be back among the living once again - writing about something other than criminal justice issues. I love what I do, but I could sure use a break from what my wife refers to as my "nerd books."

I'm going to have to start slow, and get back into the swing of things, so I'll jump back in with a topic that I've been kicking around in the back of my head for some time now, but wasn't quite long enough for a full feature: Madison Square Garden's Minor Characters.

Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?

Every venue has its recognizable characters. If you go to Yankee Stadium, perhaps you'll see Freddy - an elderly gent who carries signs and bangs on a frying pan with a spoon. Go to a Jets game, and you'll see the guy with the fireman's helmet. Pass by the Quik Chek in my childhood home town, you'll see dirtbags hanging out in the parking lot. Ahh, memories...

Anyway, Madison Square Garden has no shortage of characters of its own - some immediately recognizable (e.g., John Amirante, Dancing Larry), some a little bit more obscure. It's two of the latter that I'd like to tell you about today. As is the case on The Simpsons, the supporting cast really makes the show at MSG. Here's a dynamic duo that you won't see on the Garden Tour...

The Pied Piper of Midtown: One of my favorite Garden characters is a fellow who usually appears after games. I don't know if he's homeless, but I have seen him in the bowels of Penn Station on several occasions. The one constant is his flute - and man, this guy can play. After games, he'll set up shop out beyond Cosby's, and he'll jam out on his flute. Usually, he'll play 'Ode to Denis Potvin' - you all know the tune. Anyway, he's always a hit with the more intoxicated fans, and I imagine that he does pretty well for himself on game nights.

"Program" Man: As you approach the Garden, you may hear a sound like what I imagine a goat being shorn with a rusted door hinge must sound like. That would be "Program" Man. Usually, the Garden staff is wise enough to station him outside the box office, as his voice is capable of shattering all of those glass doors. There he stands at his kiosk, peddling "Programs! Yeah-books! Media Guides!" Approach with caution if you value your hearing! If possible, I'll try to record a clip of him hawking his wares next season - though you should really experience him in person if possible; I'm sure a recording won't adequately capture the awesome power of "Program" Man's voice.

If I was to make a movie about a night at a Rangers game, I would tap Martin Landau to play "Program" Man as he is fairly close in appearance, and Laurence Fishburne would play the Piper - not for looks; I'd just want Morpheus in my movie. Of course, my movie would substitute Mr. T for Van Damme, and the villain would be the ghost of Norman Fell. Sudden Death my ass...

So there you have it - now if you're going to a game for the first time, you'll feel like you know someone at the Garden!

-Chris

Next time - Intermission Games and Other Herculean Trials!

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"Curious Fan" wanted to know, among other things, what I'm like at a game. I guess I'm like most other people - how I act depends on the game.

If I'm at a game against either a traditional rival or a league power, then I'll scream myself hoarse.

If I'm at the NHL equivalent of a field trip to Delaware - such as the time that I saw the Rangers play the Minnesota Wild - I'll tend to be a bit more quiet.

Supposedly, teams feed off of crowd energy. However, the team has to energize the crowd. This could be the greatest "catch-22" since that commercial in which the mountaintop guru asked "How can one get a job without experience, when one can't get experience without a job?" - or since Heller wrote "Catch-22," I guess.

No matter what, I always try to keep an ear on the people around me; you can really pick up some 'pearls of wisdom' at MSG - especially after the beer's been flowing. And for the past few seasons, I think that most will agree that the action in the seats has been at least as entertaining as the action on the ice.

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