No, that's not a mistake. The season starts this Tuesday, October 15. Now there are people in Montreal that are trying to say that the Habs beat the Rangers 3-1 on Friday, and some yahoos in Pittsburgh are claiming that the Pens handed the Blueshirts an embarrassing 6-0 loss on Saturday. BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED!!! Did you hear me? Never happened. Sure, you can look in the newspapers and it might say that the $70+ million dollar Rangers are now 1-2 on the season. BUT THOSE ARE TYPOS!!! The season hasn't started yet. It starts Tuesday. Pavel Bure's strep throat and knee injury, the Eric Lindros suspension, Dan Blackburn's dislocated finger--those didn't happen either. The season starts Tuesday. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Richter Still Undefeated, As Far As I'm Concerned

Hypothetically speaking, since it didn't really happen, Mike Richter may have been forced to start Saturday's game against the Pens because Dan Blackburn, hypothetically speaking, may have dislocated his finger in the pregame warm-up. Had these things happened, Mike Richter probably would have looked like a guy that thought he was getting the night off and in turn played like one: yielding 6 goals on 28 shots. It's a very good thing that none of this happened. That would have been humiliating. Horrifying. Revolting. Thankfully it never happened. I can't stress this enough.

Offense Rolling, Defense Flying--As Far As I Know

Hypothetically speaking, Eric Lindros could have been suspended in the Pittsburgh game for one of those silly incidental stick infractions that occur only about three times every night. Such an instance would be very very embarrassing for the league, considering that four of their highly trained officials witnessed the infraction and decided that it only warranted a two minute penalty at the time. It would be further embarrassing for the league if, the night before, a member of the Buffalo Sabres tried to impale one of his opponents and received a game misconduct for Attempt to Injure, but yet was allowed to participate in his next match (and in fact scored two goals). That would be very unfair. It's a good thing none of this happened.

And since it didn't happen, it's also a good thing that the Rangers aren't paying Bobby Holik, the "best defensive center in hockey" $45 million dollars to go pointless and -3 in his first three games with New York. And it's equally fortunate, since it didn't happen, that the Rangers aren't paying Darius Kasparaitis $4 million a year to go -4 against a Penguins team that by all rights he should have something to prove against. Both of these things, had they happened, would be so utterly humiliating that teams might actually laugh at us and the completely baffling level of pitifulness to which our beloved team has fallen. Thank God none of this is happening.

Other Bad Things That Luckily Aren't Happening

It's good that our new coaches, that have complete control of the team and clearly know what they're doing, aren't falling into the same pitfalls that have beleaguered all the previous regimes. It's good that Brian Leetch isn't playing over 30 minutes a night, and that Mark Messier's ice time is being limited in a reduced role. And it's also good that the new systems being installed are stressing a commitment to defense and disciplined play, because there were some other unfortunate typos in the newspapers that said we surrender about seven power plays a night. Those silly newspapers should really hire some proofreaders because clearly none of these things are happening.

Line Clicking! Everyone Psyched for Opener!

These might be the greatest lines ever assembled in the entire 100 years of organized hockey. I don't know how teams are going to match against them when the season starts on Tuesday. I'll say it again: THE SEASON STARTS TUESDAY! 79 game season, just like it was last year.

Remember--Season Starts Tuesday!

Denial? What's denial? I don't even know what that means. It's probably not even a word. It sounds funny. You're making up funny words. And even if it were a real word, there's absolutely no way that I'd be in it. I'm not in denial. Everything is fine in Rangerland. You'll see. We're going to win the conference, you know. Yup. You'll see Tuesday when the season starts. Tuesday at home versus the Toronto Maple Leafs. We're going to kick butt. We're a good team. We're a good team. We're a good team. We're a good team. We're a good team. We're a good team. We're a good team. We're a good team. We're good. We're good. Good good good. Good.

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