Hockeybird.com: Sens Send Message to NY: Will Play Hockey For Food

Senators pummel the Rangers 5-2, and then have to ask for bus fare back to Ottawa. Once again another bunch of plucky misfits from the camp across the lake have their way with our spoiled rich kids--I'm amazed that after four Meatballs movies the Rangers still haven't figured things out. Anyway, the success of the Sens over the Rangers proves that all the money in the world can't buy blah dee blah blah--we're a friggin' AHL team right now. Actually we're worse, as our AHL guys are dropping out too. Some of these teams that come into MSG should at least send flowers the next day, whether to thank us for a good time or to offer condolences. Ottawa, of course, is excused, unless someone can spot them $50.

Rumble grind rumble. That sound you hear is Mike Dunham making his tenth consecutive start, in which he got lit like rolling papers at a Widespread Panic concert. But don't worry because, according to Mike and the coaches, he's not tired, worn down, ground to a helpless nub or anything else. Uh oh. I think I feel my Ranger fan Tourette's coming on. Brace yourself. Here we go. GOD DAMMIT BRYAN TROTTIER START DAN BLACKBURN, YOU GRADE-A HALL OF FAME EVEN-KEEL WE-HAVE-TO-STAY-POSITIVE-EVEN-THOUGH-WE'RE-GETTING-OUR-ASS-KICKED-EVERY-NIGHT GALLAGHER-LOOKING EX-ISLE CHICKENS**T PIGF**KER!!!!! [Blink blink] Wow. I'm sorry you had to hear that, folks.

Eric Lindros had another two points, +1, and an otherwise solid game. Bobby Holik had two points, +1, and almost single-handedly outshot the rest of his team combined. Matt Barnaby added an assist, +1, and absorbed a Zdeno Chara pounding for 5 in the box. Everyone else? Refer again to the boxscore, or more specifically to the people who contributed negatively, to figure out why we lost the game. Did you guys know that Radek Dvorak is not only bigger than Marian Hossa but he's probably twice as fast? Four goals all season for Dvo, and not a single shot on goal last night. Hossa worked for free, Radek got paid. I should stop before my Tourettes kicks in again.

And [Bleep] it is. Does anyone remember Gretzky's last season, the year we got to see what I like to refer to as " The Psycho Great One." The aging and sore superstar on a team of talentless oafs, watching Alex Kovelev fumble and turn over the puck at the blue-line, playing his guts out every night in a losing effort until he finally snapped and went crazy. He yelled at refs, slammed his stick, threw tantrums in practice until his trademark smile was a permanent scowl. That was sorta fun. Watching Mark Messier isn't fun. I wish we would waive him and hope he gets claimed by a contender to make a final Cup push. I think that might be fun for both of us.

First, the D: Malakhov and Kasper played their usual game, while Tom Poti got passed around like Brittany Murphy backstage at a Limp Bizcuit concert. Everyone else looks like AHL defensemen. Dale Purinton is skating and might be back in 7-10 days. Petr Nedved? No one mentioned him so either they don't care (like me), but more likely he'll be back within the next few games. Ronald Petrovicky, Gordie Dwyer, and Rico Fata all have assorted injuries--or they're just throwing themselves into the boards just to avoid active duty. I can't tell either way, nor would I blame them if they were.

Probable Lines

Probable Lines
1st Barnaby-Holik-Lindros
2nd Dvorak-Messier-Some Guy You Never Heard Of
3rd More Guys You've Never Heard Of, Ted Donato
1st D Poti-Malakhov
2nd D Kaspar-Linter
3rd D Cory Cross-Bouchard

Is There No Relief?

One month later, Brian Leetch was downgraded from "Day to Day" to "Out Indefinitely." Great. Be honest with us, Mr Sather, Brian Leetch is dead, isn't he? There was a card game, everyone was drinking, words were exchanged, someone pulled a gun--we'll understand. I, along with the American Medical Board, cannot believe that a guy can take a slapshot to the foot, have completely clean x-rays, and still be wounded enough that no one can even speculate on when he may return. So he must be dead. That's the only explanation. You guys were hunting, it was dark, you thought he was a deer--just be honest. If Leetch coincidentally returns on the same day you sign Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy, I'm calling the cops.

Followed by a Thursday game against Montreal. We inexplicably own the Canes this season (re: start Dunham/Blackburn) but are owned by the Habs (re: start Jose Theodore). Dave King from Columbus got fired today, which is interesting because they have a record similar to ours. Tick tick tick, Mr Trottier. Tick tick tick.

"Be honest with us, Mr Sather, Brian Leetch is dead, isn't he? There was a card game, everyone was drinking, words were exchanged, someone pulled a gun--we'll understand. I, along with the American Medical Board, cannot believe that a guy can take a slapshot to the foot, have completely clean x-rays, and still be wounded enough that no one can even speculate on when he may return. So he must be dead. That's the only explanation. You guys were hunting, it was dark, you thought he was a deer--just be honest. If Leetch coincidentally returns on the same day you sign Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy, I'm calling the cops."

I just read this out loud in the exasperated tone of voice I think it was written for, and now I can't stop laughing.
This is great !
Not only am I dodging work, but I'm having fun at the same time, and now I am writing a comment nobody will ever read.

Posted by: The Great Dane on August 4, 2003 07:03 AM