Hockeybird.com: Jarowhat?

Groan. Sure to be a hot topic on Ranger message boards everywhere for the next few weeks (as if it wasn't already), Larry Brooks proclaims this morning, "Rangers Near Deal For Jagr". Allow me to summarize: Blah blah well-placed sources blah blah Jagr has told friends deal is close blah blah Detroit is also interested blah blah Caps to pick up $20 million blah blah no other players discussed blah blah blah.

I hate trade rumors and this one is not going to die until Jagr ends up on some other team besides his current one.

But what about the game? The Rangers with one of their most impressive wins of the season last night in a 2-0 blanking of the league leading (as far as points per game, anyway) Lightning.

The Daily News says Jussi owed the Rangers a solid for allowing him to leave the team without a starting goalie last week while he joined his wife for the birth of their second child, and Jussi repaid 'em that favor last night.

Here's Jamie Lundmark in the NY Times: "He just said I need to start taking the body a little more, but I thought I was taking the body more than I ever did. I guess they see something else." I see something else, Jamie. I see you sitting in the press box, you whiny brat! Okay, maybe I'm being too tough on The Lundmark, but for a guy who hasn't taken a shot on goal in about a month, he sure seems to have a very inflated opinion of his game.

There's been a theory over the past few seasons that the Rangers tend to play up or down to the level of their opponent that night. Perhaps this quote from Messier in Newsday lends some creedence to that theory: "That's a pretty good team over there and we came in with a little bit of fear, which is good for us." Although, it doesn't explain why they were shutout 5-0 in New Jersey a week and a half ago. Newsday has a second article today and it's packed full of your daily essential Ortmeyer vitamins and minerals.

The Star Ledger has more Markannen, as well as a very interesting second article which talks about how former Ranger and current Lightning coach John Tortorella did his best impression of Liz Smith in a tell-all letter to Sather when he took over the Rangers in the spring of 2000.

Andrew Gross at the Journal News says, "this one was impressive, though it could have been even more so." Aw, c'mon Andy. Lighten up. I mean, even the Rodent was thoroughly impressed with last night's performance!

Rangers right back at it tonight, down to South Florida to play the Panthers at 7:30. For those in the NYC metro area, note that this game will be on the Metro Channel tonight. I will have a Report Card for you as I purposely switched from satellite to Cablevision's digital cable service this summer just so I could catch those Ranger games on Metro, but I'm switching back to satellite within the month. Between the occassionally fuzzy picture, varying volumes from channel to channel, hidden fees ($10 a month "box fee"?! What the hell is that?! That's like ordering a steak at a restaurant and being charged extra for the plate!) and lousy customer service, it's not worth it just for the Metro Ranger games. Oh my Dish Network, I lost my head there for a little while. I don't know what I was thinking. You should know that it is you I truly love, and have always loved. Thanks for taking me back. We'll make it work this time, baby.

Dear Mr. Rocha,

It is with great regret that I have to inform you that your request to "rekindle" our relationship will be turned down.

Did we not offer you our bosom which you suckled on endlessly ? Did we not provide you with "stress relief" during all those late nights while you were alone ?

Shame on you. You have cheated on us and everyone knows, hell hath no fury like a Dish scorned. Go back to that whore Cablevision for their pay per view wankfest. See if they take care of you when you need it the most. We are through.

Regards,
The Dish

Posted by: Bird on November 26, 2003 11:52 AM

But I've changed baby! I've changed!!! That Cablevision meant nothing to me, I swear. I was weak.

Posted by: Rocha on November 26, 2003 12:23 PM

Still with that SLUT Cablevision I see. You won't get your filthy hands on this Dish, honey.

I'm with all the other guys now. They constantly twist my knobs and it makes me wild. And, they have bigger remotes than you do and know how to use them.

The Dish

Posted by: Bird on November 30, 2003 10:52 AM