I know, I know -- I'm late with this column. Rangers stun the struggling Senators, 6-2, and Martin "Rosie" Rucinsky is named the NHL Offensive Player of the Week, which is actually a good thing and has nothing to do with the word "offend." Really not much to say about the Ottawa game, as most Rangers fans gaped in disbelief at what they were watching while the Sens played like they'd collectively had their eyes taped open as in "A Clockwork Orange" and were forced to watch Don Cherry's "Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em" Hockey for the past two weeks. Thanks for the points, guys. Enjoy your flight home.

What's the Deal With Mike Dunham's Johnson?

Mike Dunham made the trip down to Tampa with the team and may in fact be in goal tonight, though recent reports have upgraded (or downgraded) his injury from a "groin strain" to a "hip flexor." One of the unfortunate things about fantasy owning the Dude is that he comes with a gimpy groin. You either live with his groin or you kick his groin to the curb. By the way, in case you are curious: yes, there is a clause in my ESPN contract that requires me to use the word "groin" at least 20 times over the course of a season. Other words I'm forced use: mildewy, jettison, vascular, evanescent, prd, jerkwad, Mooninite, hemihedral, postclassical, and whirlybird.

Offense

Bobby Holik is currently ranked #49 overall on the Playa Rata, and his wings are the white-hot Rucinsky and Retro Alex Kovalev, who is slowly showing signs of progress (5 points in last three games). Also on the list is Chris Simon (#57), who's pace has slowed but could still have an admirable 20 goals, 200 PIM season. Eric Lindros returned from having blood in his eye or something: no points and very limited ice time, but they'll work him in I'm sure. Matt Barnaby is good people, while Antichrist Nedved had a two-point game because 6.8% of you decided to drop him. Otherwise the offense is looking good. Keep it up.

Defense

Brian Leetch finally had his first stand-out game of the season (goal, assist, +2) and may be ready to breakout of his fantasy shackles to assume his place among the league's leading defensive scorers -- apparently he is fully resurrected from the dead, though for a while there it looked as if they'd buried him in the pet cemetary or something. Meanwhile, Vladimir friggin' Malakhov cannot be stopped nor contained, though he has fallen to #23 on the defensive player rater. Tom Poti? Ugh. He's downright horrible at #72 on the FHL list, he's been scratched for minor ailments in recent games, and mostly invisible in the games he does play. Consider giving him the big wave, though the potential to rebound is always there.

Odd Men Out

Dan "Brady Tiki Idol" LaCouture got a taste of his own medicine, finally, as now everyone in the lineup should be returning healthy for the Tampa game... EXCEPT LACOUTURE! Rangers have meanwhile called up Richard Scott in his place, who will without a doubt give you at least 5 minutes of PIMs sometime in the next two days. Speaking of PIMs, fan favorite fighter Dale Purinton has been a healthy scratch for most of the season and might soon be trade-bait, as he's getting antsy on the bench. He's a good guy to consider if he lands with a team that will give him ice time.

Hopefully This Never Happens Again

There really isn't much else to discuss. Everyone is healthy and I'm having a less-than-entertaining day for whatever reason. So with nothing else interesting to say, here are the lyrics to Radiohead's "Planet Telex." You can force it but it will not come/You can taste it but it will not form/You can crush it but it's always here/You can crush it but it's always near/Chasing you home saying/Everything is broken/Everyone is broken/You can force it but it will stay stung/You can crush it as dry as a bone/You can walk it home straight from school/You can kiss it, you can break all the rules/But still/Everything is broken/Everyone is broken/Everyone is, everyone is broken/Everyone is, everything is broken/Why can't you forget?/Why can't you forget?/Why can't you forget?

Next Game, Tuesday, Tampa

And then Wednesday, against the Keenan-less Florida Panthers. Sorry the column sorta sucks today. I wanted to bang out all the info I missed over the weekend, but I knew I was going in without my A-game. Plus I have a huge blister on my thumb. Congrats to Jussi and Sussa Markkanen on the birth of their first child, baby boy Olli, weighing in at 95 pounds (I don't know how much he weights). Have a great Thanksgiving Day to my fellow Americans, enjoy the turkey, and think about all the people overseas and elsewhere that aren't around to celebrate with us. Let's go Rangers.

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