As you undoubtedly read here yesterday, both Bird and Rightbug are attempting to quit smoking right now so I will put my vigorous pro-smoking agenda to the side for the moment and lend them all the support they need. You can do it, guys!
The New York Times doesn't have a Ranger article today, but if they did I'm sure it would've been jam-packed with smooth, rich flavor and a mild, sweet aroma. Just imagine reading it right now. Ahh. That's a very satisfying article. I feel calm and relaxed just thinking about it.
The NY Post strung about ten tiny sentences together on the Rangers and they want to call this an article. Meanwhile, about 10 inches of snow sit on the ground outside, it's currently 26 degrees and there are five articles on the sport of baseball today. Sometimes things like this get me so angry and frustrated I... I... I just wish there were something simple, legal and readily available I could use that would take just a few minutes yet redirect my focus somewhere else, all while easing this maddening tension. But what? What could it possibly be?
The Daily News talks about Martin Rucinsky's success with the Rangers compared to his other NHL stops. "I've said before that New York Rangers feels to me like a team I'm very comfortable with. And it feels like I can really do things here that I couldn't do anywhere else," Rucinsky said. Related to the Rucinsky topic, a 98-year old George Burns had this to say on Rucinsky and smoking, "If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral." Peter Falk chimed in with, "I'll smoke anything anybody gives me, I'm not particular." Finally, the erudite Mark Twain once commented on smoking and Rucinsky, "If smoking is not allowed in heaven, I shall not go."
The Star tobacco Ledger has an pipe article on cigar the Rangers' Tom Renney king size seeing light carton at the nicotine end of filter the tunnel marlboro. It's refreshing funny how a satisfying team relaxing can lose three of it's calming last four comforting games and still think they're rejuvenating turning it peaceful around. Cigarettes. Yum!
Just like the Times, Newsday doesn't have a Ranger article today, either. Although, it does remind me of my favorite time to read Newsday Ranger articles, which is right after dinner. You know what I'm taking about, right? Feeling stuffed after a good meal you waddle over to the couch, grab a Newsday article off the end table next to you, lean back and close your eyes while it's aroma slowly engulfs you. Mmm, that's nice. If only for five minutes, a person can feel totally content and satisfied with their place in this crazy, mixed-up world. Helps the digestion process, too.
Well, it looks like it's a Marlboro Light news day today. I was hoping we could get Lucky Strike with a bunch of interesting articles, but it's not to be. Check back after the game tonight for a Report Card. It's an important game so let's hope the Rangers play with some American Spirit tonight. Another game they play without Merit may just be the straw that breaks the Camel's back with some fans. The Players need to dump the puck in and forecheck a lot More than they did the other night. If they can stay True to the things that have been sucessful for them so far this season, there's no reason they shouldn't Triumph.
(It also wouldn't hurt if they could Pall Mall the Viceroy out of the damn Winston once in a while. Jeez.)
- Rocha
Posted by pete at December 10, 2003 04:24 AMeMail this entry!
I almost pissed my pants, actually, after a big double check by me, I DID
Posted by: Burger on December 10, 2003 07:55 AMJeez, look at Bird pushing his anti-tobacco agenda. Think it's coincidence that now there's a smoking-cessation aid in the ad column? I smell kickbacks!
Actually, no, that's just the icky smoke in my clothes and hair. Good luck quitting guys!
Posted by: Chris on December 10, 2003 08:40 AMAmazing !
That has to be one of the most subtly evil articles I have ever read.
Goebbels could have learned a thing or two from you, Rocha ;)
I think the funniest page of all time!!!!!
Unbelievably witty !!!!
Hockeybird should be proud ..
and I smoked a couple sticks last night .. and I feel it today!
Posted by: ethan on December 10, 2003 08:47 AMHey Pete,
I'm surprised that you left out the story about Benson and Hedges getting sent back down to the plantation team in Newport, the Virginia Slims. Though it sucks to Wave goodbye to their smooth, mellow play, I'm sure that it's welcome from the Vantage-point of the Newport owners. Previously, ticket sales in Newport were Light, but now I hear that they've become real Premium Buys.
Posted by: Chris on December 10, 2003 08:49 AMBest enjoyed through a micronite filter!
Posted by: wsc3 on December 10, 2003 08:55 AMThat simple, legal thing to "redirect" your focus and at the same time ease that maddening tension is masturbation.
And your clothes however wrinkled and soiled don't smell like smoke!
mdk
Posted by: mdk on December 10, 2003 09:24 AMThat simple, legal thing to "redirect" your focus and at the same time ease that maddening tension is masturbation.
And your clothes however wrinkled and soiled don't smell like smoke!
mdk
Posted by: mdk on December 10, 2003 09:27 AMThat simple, legal thing to "redirect" your focus and at the same time ease that maddening tension is masturbation.
And your clothes however wrinkled and soiled don't smell like smoke!
mdk
Posted by: mdk on December 10, 2003 09:27 AMThat's the first thing I've laughed at since last night when I killed a hobo-clown so I could lick the tarry goodness off his lungs. One of his hobo friends had the other lung and he turned to me and said, "Does this taste funny to you?" So I killed him too. And then I laughed and laughed. But I've been mostly numb since then. Until now of course. Now I'm laughing. On the inside.
Posted by: Rightbug on December 10, 2003 09:29 AMMDK -- Oh yeah -- been masturbating up a storm. It's the pause that refreshes.
Posted by: Rightbug on December 10, 2003 09:49 AMVery Kool. You've come a long way, baby.
Posted by: Leedsy99 on December 10, 2003 09:52 AMWho am I to complain about Cliffie's masturbation? All his talking about it has made my Virginia Slim about 100mm long.
What did you just say?
Well it's DAMN impressive on a squirrel, I'll have you know.
Posted by: :8= on December 10, 2003 01:25 PM"That simple, legal thing to "redirect" your focus and at the same time ease that maddening tension is masturbation."
Ah! I must have messed with that sentence for an hour last night, trying to make it so only cigarettes were the answer and not drugs or masturbation. "Hmm... ease tension... focus on something else... that could be masturbation, too. Or drugs. Damnit!"
Finally I came up with "legal and readily available" to kill the possibility of drugs, and "something I could use" to not imply masturbation.
It's definitly not air tight, but it was 4am and I was getting tired.
Posted by: Rocha on December 10, 2003 01:43 PMYou don't need to apologize Pete -- Saddly, scientists have long since proven that there is no question that cannot be answered with either cigarettes or masturbation. There's no circumventing science. Except with drugs.
Posted by: Rightbug on December 10, 2003 02:57 PMOh man! Funny , funny shit. I won't jump on the double entendre bandwagon. That would be piling on! This is definitely Hall of Stuff material! Laughed my ass off.
Paul
Oh man! Funny , funny shit. I won't jump on the double entendre bandwagon. That would be piling on! This is definitely Hall of Stuff material! Laughed my butt off.(oops..sorry)
Paul
So the Bird is trying to quit smoking. Good for him but I strongly suggest that anytime he develops the urge to smoke that he watch sport fishing on ESPN. Smoking a Bass is much safer than any cig.
Jess
Posted by: Bassfishing is cool on TV on December 10, 2003 06:40 PM
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