Rangers blast Isles, 4-3, after spliting a weekend series, a win in Buffalo, 3-1, and another prison shower loss to Toronto, 1-3. Good effort last night, but still ninth place in the conference. But perhaps the big news in New York is that Übermensch Glen Sather has gone utterly insane: publically calling out all his better players, reducing the ice time of anyone under age 36, splintering his locker room, and wearing recycled suits from 1983. When questioned on his potential insanity and unsound methods, Colonel Sather responded, "Are my methods unsound?" before mumbling something about Eric Lindros being an "errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill." Can't we just be a normal hockey team for once?

Darkness Warshed Over The Dude

All is not well in the land of The Dude. Despite last night's great but (stat-wise) only acceptable win (3 goals, .885 SV%), Mike Dunham has clearly struggled in his past few games, with only two wins in his last ten games, both against the Isles. Not good, Dude. What's worse is that Grand Poobah Sather has fingered Dunham as one of the main culprits in the Rangers recent slide, and despite the fact that the Dude carried them through the first quarter of the season, Crazy Slats might have a point. Jussi Markkanen, meanwhile, has four wins in his last five starts. And then there are those awful trade rumors that just won't go away. Might be a good time to sell your Dude before the market dries up.

The Passion Of Eric Lindros

I have to do a whole section on Eric Lindros, just so maybe you non-fans can understand the numbskullery that we're subjected to. Eric Lindros, hands down, is the best player on the Rangers. His scoring is very consistent (another two assists in another standout game), he dominates and disrupts physically, and has not publically uttered a single negative word about the mindboggling way that the coaches have deployed him this season (from first-line center to second-line wing to checking center, etc). And despite all this he gets his ice-time cut, the ire of the coaching staff, and his name crops up in HORRIFICALLY STUPID trade rumors. It's times like these when I wish Eric's Mom made it down to the games more.

"I Don't See Any Method At All"

Supreme Overlord Sather, short of showing up to work in his underware and belting out showtunes, has done everything imaginable this season to make playing for and watching the Rangers as unpredictable and miserable as possible. Productive lines get split, productive players get benched over Antichrists, and dudes and guys with dreadlocks get treated like dirty hippies at a pro-war rally. Kovalev-Holik-Rucinsky continue to be the most dominant line, though their scoring has gone cold lately. Anson Carter is showing signs of progress, while (in typical Antichrist fashion) Petr Nedved has two goals in three games since I unilaterally recommended waiving him.

Tom Poti -- Bad Back Or Extreme Sissy?

Brian Leetch, #38 on the defensive player rater and moving up, Vlad Malakhov, #34 on the rater, moving down. Leetch has recently be paired with fantasy buttplug Tom Poti, who -- and I'm not making this up -- recently strained his back and missed the Toronto game tying the laces on his ice skates. Tommy, either by proxy or via his own recognizance, safety tied his skates last night and played perhaps his best game of the season, recording the game winning goal. Poti will score with Leetch, but the duo is also a great liability, always subject to sudden breakup according to the whims and fancies of our great and exalted leader, Viceroy Sather.

Audience Participation Time!

This is season three for me as a Rangers fantasy correspondent, and those that have remained loyal readers throughout may have noticed that the quantity of articles has declined recently. It's partly due to my new and well-publicized relationship with Paris Hilton (assuming you read the Page Six scoop, "Paris Dating Cyber-Dork Hockey Fan"), and partly due to burnout caused by too many Antichrist jokes. But, ever the envelope-pushing correspondent, I've decided to lease out this space to answer any and all questions you may have about the Rangers, pop culture, flighty heiresses, or life in general. Send mail to: nyrletterbag@hotmail.com. Keep 'em short and interesting. We'll answer them right here, for you, the loyal readers.

Next Game, Saturday, Ottawa

Weekend game against the getting-warmer Senators, most likely a loss, given our recently pattern of one game up, one game down. Dunham should start, but who knows what Lord Admiral Sather might do: put everyone on waivers, call up and start only players whose name begins with "S", call a time-out to do an end-to-end belly slide across the ice, force his players to wear mascara and sing karaoke, barricade himself inside MSG until Vic Tayback is posthumously awarded an Oscar for his work in "Loverboy", or annouce his permanent retirement from hockey in order to live in a newly unoccupied spider hole in south central Iraq. Who friggin' knows. Let's Go Rangers.

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