I don’t know why the Pack has suddenly started to suck. I mean, I can tell you from watching them play that the goalies can’t make saves, our defensemen can’t control the puck or clear the crease, and our forwards must have forgotten how to stand on skates because they won’t venture away from the boards to take shots. Opposing goalies suddenly look like Vezina candidates, whereas ours look like the beer leaguer we had to sign this week to sit on the bench while Jason was puking in the locker room. Passes go directly to opponents, and players miss their checks more often than not. The power play is 0 for 24, and the penalty kill has allowed 9 goals on 18 chances.

We aren’t even winning the fights. In the last few games Murray, Filipowicz and DeBrusk have all got their butts thoroughly kicked by opponents. Nycholat wanted to go with Brad Larson at the last game I saw, but wiser teammates stepped in.

Yes, the team is currently on game 7 of 8 in 10 days, a mind-boggling amount when you factor in the bus travel required in the minors. For example, this weekend: Friday 7 pm game in Hartford; Get on bus at 11 pm, 6 hour ride to Wilkes-Barre; Saturday, 7 pm game; Get on bus at 11 pm, 6 hour ride back to Hartford; Sunday, 4 pm game. But they started losing at game 2, so I’m not too impressed with that excuse.

The decimated roster could be blamed, but I’m not really buying that either: Scott’s been gone all season, as has Ortmeyer. DeBrusk was only here for 4 periods, and contributed less than nothing while he was. Healey has followed DeBrusk’s lead and now also has a chest contusion, although at least DeBrusk has a fight to blame for his. Cullen and Lawson get underfoot more than anything else. The loss of Kinch to world competitions hurt, but he’s back now, although Jakopin is out with his reinjured hip flexor. MacDonald’s absence hurts the team significantly both in his scoring and his fighting, not to mention leadership.

Kinch’s steady defense was definitely missed while he was off playing hockey in Europe, and MacDonald’s sulking in the stands certainly is depriving the team as well. If, as rumor has had it for a while now, Sather calls up one of our defensemen, the Pack will surely be screwed. Craig Weller, who had made an excellent transition to wing, (you paying attention, Mr. Purinton?) has had to be returned to his former spot on the blue line. If a player gets handed off from the Pack to the Rangers I hope that plane from Charlotte brings us a couple more blue liners first thing in the morning.

I think it says something interesting that during the entire 12 games MacDonald has been gone between his time with the Rangers, exile in Canada, and on the IR with the Pack, his ‘A’ hasn’t been assigned to anyone else, not even on a temporary basis. Feel that slap in the face, Cory Larose? Believe me, the fans noticed it. After wearing it at the end of last year, Cory started the season with the ‘A’, but was stripped of it after getting benched following a game in which he took a number of bad penalties. Now that MacDonald is out, it would seem a good time for McGill to let him wear it again, if he thought it was earned. Apparently, he doesn’t. And he doesn’t think anyone else has done so, either.

You’d think after a 5 game losing streak, the coach would start to get at least a little upset. McGill, however, is so peaceful and upbeat I am starting to wonder whether he’s been raiding Layne’s stash of herbal calm before his press conferences. That, or else he located that ‘Swedish special’ goalie stick/bong left over from the day a giggling Holmqvist and Ekman stumbled around the rink during warm-ups before crashing into each other and collapsing into a heap, still laughing.

I suppose it could be a religious thing – we seem to have more than the normal allotment of pious players on the team this season. I haven’t seen so much genuflecting on the ice since the days of Manny Malholtra and PJ Stock (who used the Calder Cup ceremony to thank the team chaplain for ‘helping the guys deal with tough decisions.’) Has McGill been converted? Frankly, if someone 6-5 and 245 started proselytizing, I’d agree with whatever he said.

Then again, when the guys came out of the locker room after the second period the other night, several of them looked like they had been crying or were about to do so. Maybe things aren’t completely hugs and kisses backstage with the Pack. Perhaps McGill has just reversed his habits of last year: friendly and supportive in the locker room, name-calling and backstabbing to the press. I’d be okay with that – it certainly would do a better job of promoting team unity than the disaster of a job he did last year.

So, in the interest of helping the team improve, I have generated some ideas about things they could focus on in the coming year. Perhaps embracing these resolutions may help them snap out of their losing streak – or maybe they will just make them a little easier to tolerate.

Resolutions for 2004:

I, Phil Osaer, resolve to spend more time looking at the puck and less time contemplating my reflection in the glass behind the net. I thought he was looking at the fans until someone else pointed out that he was actually looking at himself. (I do know he looks at the fans at least some of the time, although I have to say I’m not sure OT is the appropriate time to be winking at and flirting with the teenage girls sitting behind him in the stands.) During the last game we offered him several mirrors so he could get a better look than using the smeared glass, but he declined – and didn’t turn around for the rest of the game. When he stops giving up 4 goals a game, he can go back to preening again with my blessing.

I, Lawrence Nycholat, resolve to continue playing with nasty streak I unexpectedly revealed earlier this season. Fans in Hartford are still reeling from the shock of seeing Lawrence beat the crap out of Chris Ferraro – and loving it every time he goes toe to toe with another tough guy. Lawrence’s game is now the complete package: he’s an excellent skater who can score (14 points this season) while also being responsible in his own end (first on the team with +10) and also plays mean and dirty and can back up his words with a fight if needed (54 PIM). But nothing is as entertaining as watching Lawrence, who looks like a Victorian gentleman poet, beating the crap out of another team’s ugly agitator.

I, Paul Healey, resolve to share my secret for keeping my eyeliner from running even while playing my semi-rigorous game. Being a vet, Healey knows that only classic black is appropriate for a professional engagement, and he applies it with a remarkably steady hand – see the photos below for comparison. But still…is he trying to make sure he photographs well? I can’t imagine such a fine line does anything to reduce glare. All I can say is it’s a good thing he doesn’t work too hard during the game – wouldn’t want that handiwork to get smeared by a little sweat (dead last on the team at –7.) How about a little blush and lipstick to simulate that ‘I busted my ass on that last shift’ look?

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

I, Juris Stals, resolve to learn to skate on this mysterious American ice. What is the problem here, Juris? He spends more time on his ass than on his blades, and falls just as often on his own as when he’s hit. The boards in particular seem to spook him, and he collapses as soon as he’s within a few feet of them. Should we consider blinders? A therapist? Dale’s skating instructor?

I, Jason MacDonald, resolve to stop treating Hartford fans with disdain. In an interview between periods while the Pack was in Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, Jason spoke repeatedly of how great the fans are in WBS (where he played the last three years), and about how great the area was, how he missed it, etc. No problem. But since this interview was being given for the Pack broadcast, he should have at least thrown in the token, “But Hartford fans are great, too.” Johan Holmqvist is still pining for the Pack, giving several interviews during his recent visit about how much he missed being in Hartford, but he didn’t fail to give props to his new home in Houston. Classy. As opposed to MacDonald, who has chosen to sit in the stands during the 11 games he has now missed, but is abrupt and disinterested when approached by fans – including small children. Hey, Mac - if you don’t want to talk to fans, go sit in a box. We’ve got plenty of them in Hartford. But if you want to sit out in the open, in your suit and with other players, then you have to play nice when the 5 year old comes up clutching your picture and asks for an autograph. Just don’t just sign it and thrust it back in the kid’s face without even looking at him. Being out for a dozen games with a vague ‘sore ankle/foot’ isn’t buying you a lot of credence with the fans who expect an alternate captain to step up if humanly possible to help the team break out of a 5 game losing streak.

I, Lucas Lawson, resolve to continue my quest to spend more time on the IR than record setters Benoit Dusablon and Richard Scott. Lucas just got back today from 14 games on the IR with an injured elbow, and promptly left the game with what sounded like a broken wrist. Way to go, Lucas! Go Big Blue. We’ll see you in March.

I, Craig Weller, resolve to continue doing far more with what I’ve been given than anyone ever thought I could. Craig continues to work his butt off in Hartford, cheerfully learning to play wing, then also dropping back to play defense when necessary – most recently, on alternating shifts in the same period. He hits people hard enough to make the glass and the boards flex, and more often than not leaves them crumpled on the ground behind him. From someone who was only called up from Charlotte on an emergency basis last year, Craig leapfrogged the defensive depth chart and was one of the last to get cut from the Rangers. He clearly is driven to improve his play and his position in the organization, and in the process is one of only a couple players who have been a steady contributor this season.

I, John Jakopin, resolve to fight on home ice at least once this year. Haven’t seen it yet. This guy, who grew up skating with the Lindros brothers and is the same size as them (someone might want to look into the water in that neighborhood), finally started fighting this year. But only on the road. He finally went insane this past week, trying to fight through several officials to get at punk Chris Ferraro, and then smacking a ref in the face with his stick. Thwarted, he spent the rest of the game trying to shatter the glass using opponents’ bodies. We held our breath, hoping this would be the night. No luck, and now he’s out again with a hip flexor. *sigh* Indulge us, John. Please.

That's enough for now. The rest of the guys get off free. One more game to go on this ridiculous stretch, and only 21 home games left.

Oh yes, the Pack won tonight.

*smile*

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