Not to be confused with Jagr Mister, which is a feminine hygiene product for those times when you're feeling not so fresh. Energized by Jagr's first game at the Garden and a crowd full of fans who were fully prepared to leap over the glass and tear the Rangers limb from limb at the first sign of incompetence, the Rangers delivered one of the freshest, most entertaining, yeast free performances of the season last night.

Though you'd hardly know it to read today's dailies. Mostly they want to talk about Dolan, Sather and when a cigar is not a cigar. Those who focused on Jagr get top billing today, starting with Newsday who have decided that Jagr pretty much rocks. Here's a Jagr quote. Note how he assiduously avoids discussing the team at a fundamental level: "It's kind of a big relief for me. I said before I came here that there was only one goal, to help this team. Nothing personal, just help the team. Hopefully, we can continue and get on a winning streak. That's what we need."

I agree -- a winning streak right about now would be just what the Dr. ordered.

I found this weird though - the following is listed as a plus in the plus minus column:

PLUS: Rangers allowed 40 shots for the third time this season; they are
2-0-1 in those games.

I guess it's good that Jussi stopped all but two of those (one of which was redirected 8 times on its way to the net) and, as was discussed on the boards, few of those shots were quality scoring chances but, I really don't think we should be encouraging the team to give up 40 shots just because of a statistical fluke.

Wow! I'm going on and on and we've only covered one article so far. You're not going anywhere are you? Grab some coffee -- I'll wait.

In this morning's New York Times Jason Diamos tells us that Leetch totally rocks and has turned this ship around! No, I'm kidding, he praises Jagr's excellent game. Another great Jagr quote: "It always feels good. Even if I'm 14 years in the league, something like that, your first game at home, my first game in New York, I was kind of nervous. I was a little bit scared." Scared like a fox! (Or something.)

Jaromir -- if you are reading this, send me a private message so we can get a Texas Hold 'Em game going.

I was really digging the new lines last night. They actually made sense. And they worked well too. Nice to see Lundmark back. Jason Diamos breaks down the news lines for us and in the process, freaks out with capital letters!!!!!

ERIC LINDROS centered MARTIN RUCINSKY and JAROMIR JAGR. BOBBY HOLIK centered CHRIS SIMON and Lundmark. Nedved centered JAN HLAVAC and ALEKSEI KOVALEV. MARK MESSIER centered MATTHEW BARNABY and JED ORTMEYER. rANdom! THeY dO NoT LiNK to aNythINg. ThEY aRe JUst RandOMly CAPiTaliZed. Maybe it's the Bible code?

Also, an oddly capitalized injury update: Sather said goaltender MIKE DUNHAM (concussion) and defenseman VLADIMIR MALAKHOV (wrist) could be available tomorrow, when the Rangers are host to Washington. dan LACOUTURE apparently never really got over his concussion so he's now on injured reserve.

On to other topics of conversation. The Star Ledger was the first paper this morning to inform me that Dolan is not going to fire Glen Sather. "I'm not going to fire Glen Sather," said Dolan. (Actual quote!) "What's the best way for us to make the playoffs now? Do you think the best way for us to make the playoffs now is to make a wholesale change? I don't think so. I think we'd undo a lot of good that's been done here."

The Post also discusses the Dolan/Sather situation. Dolan, who said, "I don't see this as a Knicks situation," in reference to the recent dismissals of GM Scott Layden and coach Don Chaney, also praised Sather's work as GM, citing his "rebuild" of the organization and draft record.

Larry Brooks also wins the award for "Most Tortured Sentence" this morning with the following:

He [Sather] moved Bobby Holik - whom he publicly chastised, and intends to meet with today because of No. 16's "I believe fundamentally we are the worst team in the NHL" comment following Saturday's 9-1 loss in Ottawa - between Chris Simon and Jamie Lundmark to form a quasi checking unit.

The Journal News discusses Dolan's defense of Sather but also covers the Sather/Holik feud. Sather minces no words when he says, "I talked to him last year and I talked to his agent (Mike Gillis), and they assured me that there would be no problems like this. If it continues, I'm going to talk to him again." Holik must be pissing his pants like an Islander fan about now. Just wait 'til his father gets home!

Holik's side:

I believe if we are having problems with something, we have to address it and realize the problem," said Holik, who clarified he was not criticizing Sather's coaching skills and apologized if he offended anybody. "I'm part of it. The truth hurts. I'm sometimes embarrassed by the way I perform, especially fundamentally. Everybody has a different personality. This is not the Red Army team.

Yeah Sather! Go back to Russia!

The Daily News had more of the same but I liked this Holik quote:

Asked if he'd continue to be candid when interviewed by reporters, Holik said: "Yes. I cannot not do that."

Holik is starting to turn into Theo Fleury without the substance abuse and violence.

Speaking of violence, here's some news that is only tangentally related to the Rangers. Washington Capitals owner Ted Leonis lost his sh*t and killed a fan. I'm exaggerating a little bit but he did grab the guy by the throat, choke him, throw him to the ground and then slam his head in a car door repeatedly ala Bullet Tooth Tony.

Okay -- I'm finally done. Remember -- blind orphans with no feet have never done anything for you so don't give them your charity. If you see them or any politicians on the street, boo them loudly. Boooo!!!!!!!!!

-- Rightbug

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