FIRESALE!!! Woo Woo! Everything must go. Looking for a mercurial Russian defenseman down the stretch? We've got two! How about an enforcer with a mild scoring touch, or a bantamweight agitator/energy guy -- come on down! Yee haw! Get 'em while they're hot. Need a backup goalie, or a stay-at-home defenseman, or a finesse European playmaker? Then pack the wife and kids into the minivan and head on down to the great big New York Rangers once-in-a-lifetime blowout sale. Whether you're looking for a 43-year-old withered legend, an injury-riddled hunking center, or a tempermental superstar with a gimpy groin, we got what you need. Come make us your one-stop shop for NHL players. Operators are standing buy. First 100 to arrive qualify for the doorprize -- Jan Hlavac! Yee haw!

This Space, One Year From Now

Can I just start talking about Nik Khabibulin now or do I have to wait until we actually make the trade for him? Our future goalie was average last night in the win against Chicago, fresh off the heels of a dominating team performance against Colorado that earned the 'Bulin Wall another shutout. Nikolai is ranked #18 on the player rater and rising. The is a welcome change from former Ranger goalie Mike "The Dude" Dunham, who is currently out of the NHL and rumored to be living in a small, rugless apartment somewhere in Los Angeles. Expect Dan Blackburn to get the next start, as Khabby could use some rest with the team firmly entrenched in playoff position.

Rebuilding My Fantasy Column

Petr "The Antichrist" Nedved has been slumping of late and ... of wait, he's not on the team anymore. Nevermind. Retro Alex Kovalev, last spotted singing "Closing Time" at a Semisonic show, has been ... of wait, he's not on the team anymore either. Hmm. Eric Lindros! Eric Lindros is back to skating and could possibly return Friday against the Capitals ... just in time for us to trade him for some prospects. Dang. Matt Barnaby is ... no, he'll probably go too. Chris Simon? Martin Rucinsky? Mark Messier? Is anyone left on this roster? Josef Bajel, Dwight Helminen, and Jarkko Immonen. Happy day. I miss our fantasy roster already. What the f*** is a Jarkko Immonen anyway?

Fantasy Implications

I have to think that everyone, fantasy-wise, should be thrilled with the way this "event" has turned out: The Antichrist Nedved is reunited with Radek Prd Dvorak in a conference and system more suited to his nancy-pants style of play. Alex Kovalev is away from whatever New York kryptonite was causing him to completely suck the minute he slipped on a Rangers jersey. Brian Leetch is QB-ing the power play for a good team. The other guys on the roster (Jagr, Holik, Simon, Barnaby, Messier, Poti) are probably looking at more ice-time down the stretch, at least as long as they're still Rangers. Really the only one losing in the deal is me, as I now lose pretty much every running gag I had in this column. So who wants to hear Jed Ortmeyer jokes? Anyone?

#2

This is the section where I normally would report about how Brian Leetch was doing -- whether he was hoisting an awful team on his shoulders, scoring defensive points by the truckload, or dead somewhere with the mysterious foot injury that killed him last season. And now Brian Leetch is a Leaf. I can't complain about it because both the team and the player needed this to happen. It just seems very surreal is all. I'm a hockey fan because of my father, a hockey player because of Wayne Gretzky, and a Rangers fan because of Brian Leetch. Take care of him, Toronto. He's meant a lot to a lot of people. But you'll figure that out soon enough.

Mailbag

Q: What did you think of Firesale Wednesday? A: I'm excited, nervous, maybe a little anxious, but sort of in a good way. It's like a blind date, I guess: you're trying to stay grounded and not go in with any expectations, trying your hardest to remain optimistic, but you're still being guarded and realistic about the experience. Maybe Jarkko Immonen is the perfect fit for the Rangers. Who knows? All you know is that what you had before was clearly not working and that it's time to try something else. I guess there's some fear too; fear that you don't end up spending your evenings drunk and alone, watching Toronto games and hysterically sobbing "Why? Why?" every time Brian Leetch scores a goal. But hopefully that will shortly pass. Hopefully.

Next Game, Tonight, Tomorrow

Pittsburgh Rangers against the Boston Bruins tonight, then Friday against the Capitals. What else to say? A new era of New York Rangers hockey starts tonight, and watching how the next five days unfold should be very interesting, to say the least. Hockey is officially different here. For some reason I feel like it's important to quote the Foo Fighters: Times like these you learn to live again, times like these you give and give again, times like these you learn to love again, times like these ... time and time again. Good luck, Brian Leetch. Go and win the Stanley Cup. Let's Go Rangers.

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