Hockeybird.com: Optimistic

Nervous messed up marionette, floating around on a prison ship -- why is it that when I run out of things to say I always revert to obscure Radiohead lyrics? Anyway, the New York Rangers are 2-5-0-3 in their last ten games, and where those two wins came from is anyone's guess. The latest loss was a 5-2 drubbing to our former AHL affiliated, the Pittsburgh Penguins -- the circle is now complete, Obi-Wan. Rebuilding sucks. It's one thing when the fans are criticized for not having the patience for a youth movement, and quite another when the players on the ice and are looking around and saying to themselves, "Gosh, these guys really stink." Whatever. The A-Rod Era starts next week. Enjoy golfing again, Rangers. Dinosaurs roaming the Earth.

Just got this letter a few days ago from Mike Dunham that I'd thought I'd share: What's up, pud-buggler? How's it hanging? To the left? Ha ha. I'm down on South Padre Island -- kick ass! Me and Jamie Mack got some equipment dudes to fill in for us down the stretch, so we jumped in Macky's sweet El Camino and got a little head start on summer va-ca-ti-on-ay. Spring break rules! We don't have a hotel room or nothing. It's awesome. Wake and bake every day. We met these totally hot chicks from like Eastern Tennesee or something, and this one girl has a tattoo of the viking dude from Molly Hatchet's "Flirtin' With Disaster" -- how rad is that? Anyway, gotta go hit the beer bong again. Say Hi to everyone in NY. -- Mikey "The Dude" D. PS: Don't mess with Texas.

Sure signs your favorite hockey team is in rebuilding mode: --JAN HLAVAC is your team's best player. --AFTER every goal your team scores, Sandy McCarthy fishes the puck out of the net and hands it to a member of the training staff. --YOUR checking line has an acne problem. --MARK MESSIER, after not taking a penalty all season, inexplicably decides to castrate someone for no reason whatsoever. --SUDDENLY a half-dozen players on your team have platinum-blonde hair. --BRIAN LEETCH'S jersey in the window of Cosby's replaced by a white Rangers t-shirt with the name "Pöck" hastily scribbled on the back with a Sharpie.

More signs of rebuilding: --BOBBY HOLIK'S postgame interviews now consist of him just shrugging his shoulders a few times before slinking back to his locker to cry. --DURING a lull in the second period, you think you hear John Davidson say, "Sam, did I ever tell you about the time I killed a hooker in Manitoba?" --LOCKER ROOM now blares version of Tina Turner's "Simply the Best" remixed by DJ Danger Mouse. --PREGAME chalk-talk just an animated discussion about Mischa Barton and Elisha Cuthbert. --OVERLORD SATHER blaming team's failure of the past four years on key injury to Jed Ortmeyer. --LEADING scoring on my EA NHL 2004 Playstation 2 season is J. Balej.

More signs of rebuilding? Sure ... --RANGERS promo commercial with Anson Carter, Alex Kovalev, and Matt Barnaby replaced by whacky headshot of Tom Poti with moving lips like on Conan O'Brien. --MEDICAL staff busy tossing out tubes of surplus Ben-Gay and restocking cabinets with cartons of Stridex pads. --JAROMIR JAGR openly on cellphone with bookie between shifts. --A DELIRIOUS and disheveled Boris Mironov wanders around Rangers training complex in his bathrobe, swigging from a bottle of vodka and calling everyone "Rosie." --TOM RENNEY is your head coach. --YOUR best player gets busted by the bouncers at Scores for trying to get inside with Dan Lacouture's expired driver's license.

--JAMIE LUNDMARK has a multipoint game. --IN HIS pregame "Keys to Victory" Stan Fischler puts a loaded gun to his head and pulls the trigger. --SCHEDULED to return with three games left in the season, Darius Kasparaitis found in a utility closet, whacking at his knee with a tire iron. --ALEXANDER OVECHKIN'S bio at hockeysfuture.com being flooded with an inordinate amount of hits from the New York City area. --MSG INTERNS busy drawing beards on left-over Pavel Bure bobblehead dolls in anticipation for Dale Purinton Appreciation Night. And lastly, --ESPN FANTASY column for NY Rangers contains nothing but speculation and no facts whatsoever.

Yee haw. Only five more of these awful games left, and then the NHL can get into full conspiracy mode to figure out how to rig the draft lottery so that the Rangers get Ovechkin. Otherwise these finals days of the New York Rangers has less enthusiasm and excitement than the phrase "Jon Lovitz guest stars on the season conclusion of Less Than Perfect." Does anyone care at this point? Anyone? Oy vey. You can try the best you can, Baby Rangers, try the best you can. The best you can is good enough.

Radiohead references are always good but double plus bonus points for the DJ Dangermouse reference.

I was going to post my favorite of your "signs your team is rebuilding" but there were like 8 of them that had me on the floor.

Posted by: Rightbug on March 25, 2004 10:06 AM

Lets be patient for once! Let the losses come! Embrace the rebuild!

This is what we were screaming for since god knows when! Let it happen!

Jim

Posted by: jim on March 31, 2004 06:57 PM

Good job

Posted by: Twinks on September 23, 2004 12:48 PM

Just taking a quick coffee break and wanted to post a hello

Posted by: heather m. carolin on November 2, 2004 06:47 PM

Found your site through blogspot and wanted to say hi

Posted by: Jimmie on November 3, 2004 02:29 AM

Gracis amigo

Posted by: Amiteurs on December 7, 2004 10:54 PM