I will not subject you, noble readers, to the Gary Coleman picture again, though Mark Messier deserves no better for leaving us all hanging yet again.

We'll get to all of that in a second but first let's look at The Rodent who takes it on the chin this morning. Indeed, The Rodent even contemplates becoming the next Larry Brooks stating, "[It] makes me wonder if I can stimulate mega-traffic on a whim simply by writing something absurd deliberately."

Before any Larry Brooks fans (or Larry himself) get on me about that, let me qualify by saying that Larry is an insightful, knowledgeable and generally original beat writer who has a tendency to occassionally say something absurd just to stir the pot.

But not this morning. This morning Larry, writing for The Post, covers the same story in the same way as everyone else including The Daily News and Newsday. That story is, of course, Messier's indecision with regard to announcing his retirement before Wednesday.

Frankly, I think Mark is blowing smoke up all of our asses as Mhurley scooped everyone yesterday with her revelations on The Rodent's message boards:

Based on info I gleaned from an an ad exec I met at a Sabres game last season, once the new Frito commercials start to air in Canada, Messier will retire. Moose filmed a lot of ads celebrating his retirement for Frito Lay last season. They never aired. A source of mine in TO says the chip ads with Moose are now on. I think Wednesday will be his last game at MSG.

Deviating momentarily from our all Messier theme, The Post had the following interesting info on Valiquette:

Stephen Valiquette, who turned in a 38-save performance in Saturday's 3-1 win in Philadelphia, will start tonight against the Devils.

"We want to get a good look at him," said Tom Renney, who has been named as an assistant coach on Joel Quenneville's Team Canada staff for the World Championships. "He might ride it out."

Okay -- back to Messier. Bridget Wentworth covers the same story in The Star Ledger this morning but she actually put some effort into it, filling the article with quotes which I can now manipulate and misrepresent:

"Messier's teammates are not willing to talk about him..." -- Bridget Wentworth

"They say there is little reason to get misty-eyed..." -- Bridget Wentworth

"All of this speculation about whether he is or isn't (going to retire), what he's going to do -- well, to us, we cannot relate to it..." -- Bobby Holik

"...I think there are other players I feel a lot more sorry for." -- John Madden

"If he really wanted an opportunity to go somewhere else, I'm sure he could have..." -- Martin Brodeur

"It's sad." -- Igor Larionov

Anyway, go read the article to see the actual context for those remarks.

As for The Journal News, ignore the requisit Messier Bit at the top and focus on the Notes at the bottom:

Renney and Mighty Ducks coach Mike Babcock were named assistants to Team Canada coach Joel Quenneville for the world championships in Prague April 24-May 9.

Unsigned prospect R.J. Umberger was back practicing with the Rangers after a week skating with Hartford (AHL). Umberger said the Rangers asked him to continue practicing, but they have not made a contract offer yet.

Finally, The New York Times couldn't be bothered to discuss the Rangers today but they do bring a smile to our faces by pointing out that the Islanders might not make the playoffs afterall.

The Rangers play the Devils tonight and it is the deciding game in the Tri-State Ultimate Fighting Championship, or whatever that thing is called, so hopefully Rocha will get to report on something other than Messier tomorrow. (I could have sworn we had that Tri-State Death Match wrapped up but apparently not. We have to beat or tie the Devil tonight. (That would make a good name for a novel -- Anson Carter Ties The Devil.))

Peace.

-- Rightbug

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