Hockeybird.com: Interview With Disco Mouth

Hi folks and welcome to a Special Guest addition of The Birdcage. My thanks to Bird for letting me squat in his space.

Last season, as the Rangers struggled to pull their season together on the ice, the fans turned to a variety of official game day thread "sponsors" in an attempt to woo the hockey gods and rally the team. The most popular, and controvertial, of these game day sponsors was Disco Mouth.

Recently, Disco Mouth, speaking through his agent Badseed, was kind enough to take some time from his busy summer schedule to answer some questions for us. The off season has not made Disco Mouth any less controversial and he comes out swinging in this interview but love him or hate him, there's no denying his Sony Guts.

Q: Welcome Disco Mouth and thanks for taking the time to sit down and talk with us.

Disco Mouth: Hi there rightbug, Its certainly a pleasure to have a chance to talk with you. Shall we begin?

Q: Let's. Your relationship with the Rangers last season was sort of on again, off again. Were relations between you and the Rangers management team strained?

DM: Strained? No, not really, you see the team was struggling, and was already spending a lot of money on big name players. So they obviously were unsure to bring in such a high profile name such as myself. Its not too often that an official sponsor for a Hockeybird game night thread comes about. Me being THE BEST one out there was sure to raise a few eye-brows though. This would only benefit the both of us. For me, my name is finally in the big city where I'd get even more exposure. For the Rangers, they get the big name to draw the fans.

Everything was fine between me and management save for some slight back stabbing toward the end. We hammered out a couple incentive loaded ten game contracts (the standard for all GOOD official thread sponsors). We felt things went well, and no feelings were hurt too badly when I wasnt issued another shot, since it was clear that it was the FANS who had a problem with me. So, no. Things werent too bad with management through out, just at the end (more on this later). Fan support is another story.

Q: A lot of people had very high expectations for you going into the season but your results were mixed. Do you feel that maybe the expectations were set a little too high?

DM: Well, this is a good question and hopefully I can clear up some things. I came in and started off bad with one single loss. This of course got things off on the wrong foot between myself and some of the impatient fans. You know, GOD FORBID you dont win right away and destroy all, right off the bat. Then I got pretty hot. The team TOTALLY played better under my sponsorship, and the fans knew it. They played harder, meaner and almost always scored the first goal in every game. THAT is when I, the all mighty Disco Mouth, started to gain some support from the fans. THAT is when the expectations started getting out of hand.

I was getting e-mails with people asking me to just touch them or bless their children, in hopes of my greatness rubbing off on them. It doesnt work that way. Other odd requests were to try to sponsor a Hockey101 vs greatone thread, in hopes that some sense would be rubbed off onto them. Thats an impossible task. I even got an anonymous e-mail asking me how I would build a rocketship. Pfft, as if I'd give that kind of information out. What if it got into the wrong hands?

So I got hot and the fans were into it. Then they turned on me. Threats of popular posters leaving if I didnt go away started happening. They couldnt stand the sight of me for some reason. It was a jealousy thing. Some couldnt handle the fact that I was so damn good. To this day there isnt one single official sponsor that can say theyve done what I have. So the infidels of the HockeyBird message boards started trying to replace me while also tampering with my threads. Cheap rip offs that had similar qualities to mine were brought in and destroyed. None of which had Sony guts, like I do.

It was frustrating. Fans didnt realize that there was a system that I worked under. There was a way of doing things. Its not easy to be an official game thread sponsor, and they either dont know, dont show, or just dont care about what goes down in the relm of Disco Mouth. But Im sure the whole world knows. I am forgiving. Some people are just crazy or dumb, and they cant grasp the fact that I am amazing, and that Im only here (if signed to a contract) to try to help.

Q: How much do you feel that you took the heat for the rest of the team's problems and coaching deficincies and how much of the responsibility for last years disappointing results do you take responsibility for?

DM: Well it is NY. Its all win now or we'll hate you now. So, stupid (and man is he stupid, could be one of the stupidest humans Ive ever met) Glenn Sather and company hid behind me when things went south. Seeing post game interviews where the coach would act as if he didnt know what was wrong. As we all know, this was a nice way of pushing off the blame onto the official sponsor of HockeyBird game threads. Kinda as if he were saying "man I just dont know, the team just isnt winning for some reason. Never mind the fact that I cant coach anymore and me an my assistants are on different pages when it comes to a system and how to use the teams assets within it. No, no I just dont know what it could be. Its out of my hands. Im only the coach and GM, and NOT the official sponsor".

So my work was sabotaged by some fans and by Ranger mismanagement. I can do no wrong. I take no blame for the decline in my record.

DM: Good guy that Perp Seal. Hes still young and doesnt have the experience that I do, but I think he could grow into a very decent sponsor one day. You see the key is the flashing siren lights on the police car he sits on. While Im glad Perp Seal is coming into his own, I have to say his agent isnt the nicest guy errr Marmot. The agent in question is one of the afore-mentioned who were trying to tamper with my sponsorship of game threads. Real scum bag. But I am forgiving to all. and I will show mercy on the non believers.

Q: Just before the trade deadline you were sent to Detroit for some herbal tea bags and a stack of dog eared Erica Jong books. Did that hurt?

DM: You must be confused. That was DiscoCow, one of the wanna be replacement sponsors. Again, I wasnt offered a third ten game contract, and I went away. Its quite sad that there isnt anything original out there. We mock what we dont understand.. Look at this dumb thing. It took over while I was in negotiations for my 2nd contract.

1st Its unoriginal
2nd It has no flashing lights
3rd Absolutely no Sony guts, it probably doesnt even have Sanyo guts.
4th I like Pizza

The Rangers were slaughtered because of it and fans came running back to ask for forgivness. They almost met their doom.

[Editor's Note: Disco Mouth seems to be in a bit of denial here. The record clearly shows that he was traded to Detroit just before the trade deadline for herbal tea bags and a stack of dog eared Erica Jong books. Disco Cow was hit in the back of the head with a sledgehammer.]

Q: There are a lot of rumors that you may be returning to the Rangers next season. Can you talk at all about that? Will we be seeing Disco Mouth at the Garden when hockey starts up?

DM: Its quite possible, but I highly doubt I would be there for consecutive games. My agent (Badseed) now has a very busy work schedule, and my powers only work when Mr Badseed the II posts the threads before the game starts. Also, its unknown what the fans reaction would be. I highly suggest fans look back and search the HockeyBird archives to look at the rich, yet troubled and challenging history of Disco Mouth. Its an interesting read. Simply search the archives with my name and prepare to cry. Word is there may be a movie in the works. We'll see.

Did you know that back in 2001 more than 300 Turkish prisoners and a number of prisoners' relatives had been on hunger strike for over one hundred days, in protest against being permanently locked in either one- or three-person cells in Turkey's new "F-style" high security prisons.

At the four F-type prisons that are currently in operation – at Edirne, Kandira, Sincan, and Tekirdag – prisoners may leave their cells only once a week if a member of their immediate family visits. Otherwise, they are held permanently either in single-person or three-person cells in what has been termed "small group isolation." These new cell-based facilities are a stark contrast to the large ward-based system that is typical in older Turkish prisons.

A wide range of medical studies indicate that confinement in solitary or small group isolation can be physically and mentally damaging. Impaired vision and hearing, hallucinations, tinnitus, weakening of the immune system, amenorrhea, premature menopause, depression, anxiety, and aggressive behavior are among the effects documented in studies of prisoners, volunteers, and animals.

In the Turkish context, concerns about the direct effects of isolation are augmented by a suspicion that the closed environment of an isolation unit may facilitate torture, ill-treatment, and other cruel, inhuman or degrading abuses. Torture is a long-standing problem in Turkish police stations and gendarmeries. Most observers, including the U.N. special rapporteur on torture and the U.N. Committee for the Prevention of Torture agree that incommunicado detention—the lack of access to family, independent medical care, and legal counsel—is the single most important factor in the persistence of torture. Turkish prisons do not have a good reputation, but it is nevertheless true that detainees blindfolded and tortured under police interrogation are frequently relieved when a court formally commits them to prison—because only then will they be able to reestablish contact with the outside world. Families, well aware of the history of death and "disappearance" in Turkish police stations, are often similarly relieved when their relative arrives safely in prison.

To prisoners and families with such experiences, the introduction of isolation units in prisons looks very much like an indefinite extension of the system of incommunicado detention which has facilitated abuse in police lock-ups. Indeed, accounts by prisoners and their families suggest that, as in police custody, guards in F-type prisons have taken advantage of the closed environment to beat and abuse their charges. Legal and medical institutions that could document, challenge, and prevent such abuses have had only limited access.

On December 19, 2000, thirty prisoners and two gendarmes were killed when ten thousand armed soldiers entered twenty Turkish prisons to break up a nonviolent protest by inmates and transfer them to the newly constructed F-type prisons. Prisoners reported excessive force, deliberate killings, and torture by gendarmes during the operation and have presented medical evidence -- including of head wounds, broken limbs, and ribs -- to support their claims. Several prisoners transferred to Kandira F-type prison also made a formal complaint that they had been anally raped with a truncheon by gendarmes. No medical examination was conducted until weeks after the alleged rape, by which time evidence of the assault would have disappeared. No charges have yet been brought for the alleged rape.

The Turkish government has also methodically silenced critics of its prison policies. Journalists and human rights defenders who have criticized the handling of the F-type prison transfers and reported on the progress of the hunger strikes have been ill-treated, detained, imprisoned, and prosecuted. Newspapers and magazines that have reported on the prison crisis have been confiscated and broadcasts suspended. Branches of the Turkish Human Rights Association have been closed down, and officials charged with "supporting illegal armed groups." Prisoners' relatives have also been persecuted and subjected to routine humiliation during prison visits.

Q: Ummm.. Okay. Moving on. Last year you were a lightening rod for controversy but you remained very outspoken throughout. If the Rangers asked you to wear the C next season, would you accept?

Are you suggesting I stoop down to the level of humans and actually put on a jersey and physically do things? Pffft, silly human. If that were the case, I'd have to decline. Im above that. Im a god.

DM: As mentioned before, I am a god. I dont have to stay in shape. But I have been busy the last few months. Im writing a book called "When it wasnt always good good". Its a life story about my experiences in the past and how I got past many problems. It discusses how I came to be what I am today. A success story. That and drinking. Thats about it. The life of an official sponsor is trying. Hopefully one day you dont have to experience one minute of my pain. Its a terrible burden.

DM: Hey, thank YOU. Youve been all too kind, and Ive never forgotten your loyalty towards good ol Disco Mouth. I hope everything works out well for you and the rest of the Ranger fans. Lets hope my help isnt needed in the near future, for there will be much pain and suffering if I am to come back.

Have a great summer and always remember Disco Disco, Good Good. Is like Sony guts...

So there you have it folks. My thanks to Disco Mouth and his agent Badseed for taking the time to speak to us. Badseed also runs one of the best sources for hockey rumors on the web so be sure to stop by and check out the latest rumors from last February.

Correction. DiscoCow WAS INDEED the one who was traded to Detroit. You must have forgotten that he was burned in the Disco Inferno. Disco Mouth was shunned away after posting an outstanding 8-8-2-2 record. Poor Overlord of official game thread sponsors. Nobody seems to remember or CARE about the joy that was brought to Ranger fans simply by the master gracing us with the presence of the Sony guts.

Posted by: Badseed on July 31, 2004 01:59 AM