Hello New York and everywhere else, I'm Bird and you're in the Birdcage. Don't look now but our NY Rangers have lost several home games and the natives should begin to get restless.....um, just about now. Sure, most are pleased as punch with the overall results in the win/loss column so far. The team exceeded expectations for all but a few who claimed that somehow this season's Rangers would be this good. But with the losses will come the Ranger fans of Christmas' past. You know the ones.....they scream things like "Poti Sucks" and "Fire Sather" Before the opening face-off at MSG. But there's something else that comes back with Ranger losses. Comedy. Yep, it's true and I can prove it.

When is the last time you openly laughed out loud while reading Hockeybird? My guess would be last year while reading a Brian Leeds penned Between Periods article. Just thinking about some of those makes me laugh. I miss the anti-christ moniker Brian labeled Petr Nedved with. The thing is, when the Rangers suck.....it's comedy gold. What's even funnier is that while we can trash our beloved Blueshirts, god forbid fans of other teams make fun of us. We bristle at a reporter or announcer making fun of the seven year playoffless (is that a word?) drought. We of course can say anything we want, we're Rangers fans. With that in mind, let me attempt to describe the current Rangers offensive problems.....

Let's see....um, how about barren, blank cartridge, crippled, dud, effete, emasculate, enervated, enfeebled, feeble, firing blanks, forceless, frail, frigid, gutless, helpless, inadequate, incapable, incapacitated, incompetent, ineffective, ineffectual, inept, infecund, infirm, nerdy, nerveless, no lead, no toothpaste, paper tiger, paralyzed, powerless, prostrate, shooting blanks, sterile, unfruitful, unproductive, weak or wimpy.

No, that's not quite it...how about um, arid, depleted, desert, desolate, dry, effete, empty, fallow, fruitless, Impotent, impoverished,, infertile, parched, sterile, unbearing, uncultivable, unfertile, unfruitful, unproductive, wasteful. May I add bedridden, broken down, castrated, confined, cracked up, crip, decrepit, disarmed, done for, done in, game, gimp, gimpy, halting, hamstrung, handicapped, helpless, hurt, imbecile, Impotent, incapable, incapacitated, infirm, laid up, lame, maimed, mangled, mutilated, palsied, paralyzed, paraplegic, powerless, run-down, senile, sidelined, silenced, stalled, superannuated, taken out, unable, useless, weak, weakened, worn-out, wounded, wrecked not to mention ailing, chicken, debilitated, decrepit, delicate, doddering, dopey, effete, emasculated, enervated, enfeebled, etiolated, exhausted, failing, faint, flabby, flat, fragile, frail, gentle, helpless, Impotent, inadequate, incompetent, indecisive, ineffectual, inefficient, infirm, insubstantial, insufficient, lame, languid, low, nobody, paltry, poor, powerless, puny, rocky, sapless, sickly, slight, strengthless, tame, thin, unconvincing, weak, weakened, weakly, woozy, zero.

Did I mention we're not scoring?

Look, I'm no Kevin Weekes fan but he has done what it takes to give this team a chance to win yet the team has not come through with the needed offense to win, plain and simple. It's too early to panic but I'm concerned. While I'm still seeing hard work from some, which is the main reason behind the Rangers early success this season I'm not seeing the same kind of work from the top line. I mean, the shift Petr Prucha had last night was a pure joy to watch. The final, desperate dive for the brilliant helper on Ruccin's goal stood out only because we see so little of that these days. I'm not ready to dump on Jagr just yet......but I miss seeing that guy smile after a goal.

There's nothing funny about a successful Rangers team. The pundits and opponents were not laughing when the Rangers were amongst the league's leaders in points. I'll be happy to trade a humorous Hockeybird for a great playoff run any day. But if things keep going the way they are, say goodbye to the playoffs and hello funny articles on Hockeybird.

----}- Bird

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