The year was 1995. I was a senior in college, and like most young men of the age and era, my interests were women, Sega hockey and beer, in that order. Studying for school ranked somewhere between stealing roadsigns and Blind Melon. Anyway, as history has recorded, one of the prime features of Sega hockey was the ability to not just take a team through a grueling 82-game season and playoffs, but also to have the stats of your players recorded during the season. And when you live in a house with nine other guys, of course this is going to turn into a serious competition. Unfortunately for me and my housemates, we had this one friend nicknamed “Puker” -- now a respected member of the medical community, by the way -- that was some sort of Sega idiot savant. He was just phenomenal. It was like watching the little mute kid in “The Wizard.” With a case of beer and house pride on the line, he had somehow managed to have one NHL player become the first to break the 2500 point barrier for a single season. That player was a rookie from the San Jose Sharks named Sandis Ozolinsh.

One other point about the newest kid at Camp Renney. Is it just me or is Sandis Ozolinsh one of those players that you just knew would be a New York Ranger someday? In lightly scanning the rumor sites this season and the names being thrown out as potential Blueshirts, Ozo the Clown was the only one that made me think "Now him I could see on the Rangers." Classic underachiever making more money than he should, who on any given night runs the gamut from being an all-star to dog poop, sometimes on the same shift. Maybe this looks like another one of the Overlord's salvage projects, but he's been more right than not when it comes to these things: for every Colin Forbes, there's a Martin Rucinsky. I don't think you should rush out and buy your Ozolinsh jersey just yet, but I think he fills a role the Rangers have struggled with all season and provides a defensive upgrade with the postseason looming. And whenever you can exchange a third-round pick for a guy that once scored 2500 points in a single Sega season, you make that deal.

John Dellapina mentions the three small words that every Rangers fan wants to hear: substance abuse problem. Talk about a gut punch. I had completely forgotten about Ozo's issues -- and I know that knew about them because I remember making inappropriate jokes at the time. Gosh. After being briefly excited about this deal, I feel like I just found out that my girlfriend was once married to Corey Feldman: I'm OK with it for now, but I don't think that I'm ever going to let it go. Let's just move on and never mention it again.

Over at The Post, Mark Everson says that the Overlord can barely contain himself. "I'm so excited about Ozolinsh," says Sather, "That I just ate a puppy!" I made that up. But he too did mention three small words that every Rangers fan wants to hear: puck moving defenseman. Zoinks. I went from happy about this deal to strangely queasy in only two newspaper articles. If anyone at Newsday says the words "convicted sex offender" I'm mailing back my Rangers decoder ring and taking my name off their subscription list.

Fortunately, Steve Zipay looks on the bright side. And he uses three small words that we can all get behind: power play QB. Is "QB" a word? Anyway, aside from the last sentence (which is culled straight from the old SNL "Bad Idea Jeans" skit), this is good endorsement for Ozo and the Overlord. Here's to sober finesse play for the next three months.

Does anyone not like this deal? Rodent? Anyone? How about the Canadian perspective? Surely the Canadians would have something to say about this. Former all-star defenseman just got dealt to a first-place team? Something to say guys? Pierre? Mac? Geddy Lee? Anyone? Sigh. Even friggin Jamie Lundmark got a write-up this morning, but nothing on the Ozolinsh deal.

Because TSN is obviously beaver-skinning racists, I'm linking to Yahoo for a summary of Trade Deadline Day 2006. Notable deals include the Flyers adding some physical toughness to address their chronic goaltending problems -- is it just me or is the Flyers trading for another goon a surer sign of an early spring than anything some stupid groundhog sees? The Boston Bruins continue to ream what little fans they have left by dealing Sergei Samsanov to the Oilers in exchange for Marty Reasoner and some 40-weight paper for everyone in their front office to print their resumes on. Carolina and Ottawa added some scoring. And lastly, Mike Milbury staggered from his office, covered with blood, gasped out "It's done" and quickly collapsed dead on the Nassau Coliseum ice. Just a perfect way to end the Mad Mike Era. Standing ovation all around.

The NHL also played some games last night. The dangerous Buffalo Sabers crushed Tampa on a Derek Roy hat-trick. The Swedish National Team beat the Kings, 7 to 3. And Joe Thornton only had two points, as the Sharks beat the Oilers, 5 to 2.

You know, I'm a constant critic about our sports media, but I just can't believe they're not saying more about this Barry Bonds stuff.

Three small words that I want to hear? Lindsey Lohan nude. Scripts for "Monster's Ball 2" are being written as we speak.

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