Nice headline. Hi, welcome to NAMBLA.

Anyway, that's what watching last night's Rangers-Isles game was like. Without even breaking a sweat, much less managing to play their worst period of the season, Broadway Blue still handled the Isles like a fat guy on bacon. In the Isles defense, their ... um, defense last night consisted of the the guy from Fantasy Island, the star of The Office, and the president of Isles Fans Say 'Legalize It!'. Really all that was missing was for them to be led in scoring by Josh Green for the last two weeks.

J to the Dizzle at the Daily News fills in the blanks about the win: another strong game from new-Garden-favorite Kevin Weekes, a strong debut from Rangers rookie Jarkko Immonen, and another called-back record-setting goal for MVP Jaromir Jagr. The D to the P also adds in some "he's a team guy" type quotes from Tom Renney regarding Jagr, which I think was a bit of a stretch. The reason why he took himself out of last night's game is because, if you're going to break a record, break the record. But that's not a knock. Remember, there's no "I" in Jaromer Jagr. I will now put my fingers in my ears and sing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb.'

Over at Newsday, The Zipper talks about the resurgent Martin Straka, who I believe has 43 goals in the last five games. Zipay quietly makes a good point: given how spectacular Jagr has been all year, you miss out on the resurgence of Straka and the career year that Michael Nylander has had. If I told you at the start of the season that both guys would have a better year than Marcus Nasland, Vinny Lecavalier, and Jarome Iginla, you'd have Pedro Martinez drill me in the ass with a fastball. Good season, guys. [Taps two fingers to chest, points at Nylander and Straka.]

Jason Diamos at the Old Gray Lady contributes nothing worth the time of having to log in for. My favorite Jersey girl, Bridget Wentworth, gives a nice summary, feeling the vibe last night that most of the MSG faithful didn't really care so much about the game as they wanted goal #53. And I think that sums up where we all are right now: get that one goal, and then try to find a nice balance between winning the division and staying healthy and rested.

Lastly, back from sipping mai-tai's in Tampa with A-Rod, the tanned Uncle Larry does his normal black cloud at the wedding thing. Check this out:

Hey, if the Rangers didn't drink in celebration of Tuesday's milestone achievement, they sure did look hung over, anyway ... No, despite an absence of urgency, creativity and sharpness, the Rangers won't give back the two points with which they left the ice that lengthened their Atlantic Division lead to five over the Flyers.

Instead of pointing out hangovers and the absence of urgency, shouldn't Uncle Larry be openly apologizing right now for things like hammering the Overlord for signing Marek Malik? Maybe we can trade Uncle Larry to Anaheim and get back that precious third-round pick he was concerned about when the Rangers got Steve Rucchin. I'm almost disappointed that he swallowed his tongue after the Ozo deal, who for all his defensive liabilities is +7 in the last five games. No wonder why Tom Poti is the only one that will talk to him after the games.

Last Rangers point, congrats to Henrik Lundqvist for winning the Steven McDonald Extra Effort Award ... even though he didn't deserve it. I should rephrase that. He definitely deserved it, but he shouldn't have won it. The reason why that award is so special is because the fans have taken to bestow it on the least appreciated Rangers player: the guy whose contributions don't end up in the boxscore but mean every bit as much to the team's success as the dudes getting the high accolades. Lundqvist has been awesome all year, but it's pure puck-bunnydom to give him that award -- he's played great, but he's also a rock star, a far cry from the McCarthy's and Barnaby's and Ortmeyer's that the award should go to.

Anyway, this year's award should have gone to Darius Kasparaitis. From working out with the kids in the offseason when he was the only name written in pen on the roster, to the punishment he gives and receives on a nightly basis, to the work he's done with the emerging Freddy Toots, to his hysterical video footage during the Olympics break (comedy highlight of the season, by the way), this great Rangers season has had so much to do with a floppy-haired pain-in-the-ass Russian defenseman than anyone else. For a guy that some people -- cough LARRY BROOKS! cough -- wanted bought out in the offseason, who plays harder every game than Kaspar the Ghost? And he doesn't dress like he's riding the metro with Boris Becker to an Einstürzende Neubauten show.

Around the league ... DONG! ... DONG! ... Makes his fight on the hill in the early day ... the bell tolls for thee, Atlanta Thrashers. Wayne Gretzky at age 23 = Stanley Cup champion; Ilya Kovalchuk at age 23 = zero playoff goals. Get 'em next year, kid. The red-hot Montreal Canadians over the dessimated (sorry Jen!) Senators, five to three. Good point from the OLN crew the other night: who exactly is scoring on Montreal these days? I'm not sure, but shout-out to fellow Strong Island native, Chris Higgins, having a great rookie year. Lastly, in the Eastern Conference toilet bowl, Brad Boyes and the Bruins outlasted the Leafs in a shootout. Meanwhile, out west, it looks like Joe Thornton and the Sharks are going to make the playoffs. Wow. So not only did the Sharks get one of the best players in the league, in the prime of his career, but he's actually going to the postseason while his former team is going to buy NHL scratch-tickets. I'm pretty sure that if is wasn't for this guy, Boston would be engulfed in flames right now.

Speaking of baseball, since a gag order has been filed to prevent me from commenting on the Billy Wagner "Enter Sandman" controversy, since I will never ever link a story with the words "Barry Bonds" in it, and since I broke up with A-Rod again on Wednesday night, public prayers suggested for Scott Proctor's infant daughter. And unlike the prayers you use every time Proctor takes the mound for the Yankees, please try to make these count.

Last link, courtesy of the 'Bug. This should either by titled "Lohan Shows Hoo-Haa to Kids" or "Celebrity Ba-ginas Turn Out for Awards Show."

Happy Friday. Smell ya next week.

Recent Articles 19 Years Of Mike & The Mad Dog

Web Hockeybird.com