Sandis Ozolinsh is on trial for the crime of "being a buttmunch during the playoffs" and to support their case in lead the prosecution offers into evidence a copy of Game Three from the Rangers-Devils series. Hearsay or not? They also call to the witness stand the site administrator from a website called Hockeybird.com, who is prepared to offer testimony stating that his site's message board was inundated with thousands of posts, all complaining about the play of Ozolinsh. Admissible or not? Lastly, prosecution has the police record of Ozo's recent DWI arrest and wants it admitted into the record to support their claim. Admissible? Why or why not?

Welcome to my hell.

The gripes of a law student during finals time trigger the sound of the world's smallest violin. I shall find no quarter here. But if it helps to understand my plight, let's just say that I can really relate to this song right now. Dead. Man. Walking.

Then again, I guess it's better to be studying to be a lawyer than needing one. Oh Ozo, what are we going to do with you? .17? At 11 in the morning? I can't even make fun of you. Get help, man. Meanwhile I'll try to distract everyone with fake headlines like "Poti Demands Superpowers" and "Weekes Denouces Racism, White People" and "Sather, Isiah Team Up to Spread Bird Flu."

Uncle Larry gives us the quick rundown on trophy stuff, surgeries and Petr Prucha, complete with a lovely photo of Jaromir Jagr looking like he just flushed his pet turtle down the toilet. J to the Della-Pizzle over at the Daily News does the same.

Just some quick comments about this. First, is having a Rangers player and their coach nominated in almost every major category some sort of bias to the media capital of the world, considering they collapsed spectacularly in the final month and finished like fifth in their division? No (says the Rangers fan). With the exception of the Hart Trophy (see below), none of them should actually win their respective award, and anyone that watched the Rangers closely this year knows that their success came down essentially to two players. For example, Dominik Hasek had a great year too, but Ottawa didn't miss a beat during his injury, showing that although he makes them better (arguably) he wasn't outright carrying them like Lundqvist did the Rangers.

Which brings me to the MVP. Joe Thornton is awesome and had an OUTSTANDING year for San Jose. But there is also a reason why no one has ever won an MVP award, in any sport that I can think of, while being traded during that same season for $.75 cents on the dollar. If Big Joe wins the award, part of the trophy should go to Jeremy Jacobs, Harry Sinden, and of course the now-deposed Mike O'Connell, who made it a point to get Thornton out of the Boston lockerroom before the sun came up following another embarrassing Boston loss. Thornton's season is a testament to vengence, not hockey. The fact is that if he stays in Boston and averages his 1.3 points per game all season, he doesn't get nominated and generates roughly 12,000 offseason articles about his lack of heart and motivation. But thanks to foolish and petty impatience, the Bruins threw a potato sack over his head and pulled in him a van in the middle of the night, California or bust, thus renewing his lease on life.

Meanwhile, Jaromir Jagr took an undermanned and overwhelmed team of kids and castoffs, made them legit, gave them a reason to work hard every night, broke almost every single-season record of an Original Six hockey team, and in the process made MSG a fun place to watch a hockey game again. And he all but said from Day One that he would do that, despite a legion of naysayers, including myself. With all due respect to Joe Thornton, the voting shouldn't even be close.

Around the league, Ottawa-Buffalo kick off tonight, as does Anaheim-Colorado. The Sabres vs. the Senators is likely the most intriguing first-round series, with the speedy and balanced Buffalo being the bandwagon team du jour these days. Personally I was hoping they'd draw the Devils and throw them a beating, but it sadly was not in the cards. Ottawa in six. As for the western series, I think Colorado benefitted from a Dallas flameout more than anything, and as Calgary just found out, any team with Scott Niedermeyer playing 30 minutes a night is tough to score against. Ducks in, oh let's say, six. This guy agrees.

Whenever I link anything involving a member of the Sheen clan, you know it's a tough Friday at the office, or in my case, finals time in the classroom. Speaking of which, I have to get back to teach myself the rules of hearsay.

Looking for the Cadillac of Lindsay Lohan fan sites? Look no further.

Enjoy the day, or as I've been telling people this week, be thankful that you aren't me.

Recent Articles 19 Years Of Mike & The Mad Dog

Web Hockeybird.com